I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
