I wanna bring you to show and tell
Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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