i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Randomize
