I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Randomize
