Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
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