Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Randomize