have fun at tinkers! p.s. are there any hot guys who look like they wanna wait until marriage to have sex?
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
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