hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
