I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Randomize
