I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
the day after is always just damage control
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Randomize
