I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Randomize
