all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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