I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
