Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
