I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Randomize
