What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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