Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
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