I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
