I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Randomize
