In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Your penis caused this!
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
