I like my sex mixed with concussions.
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
