3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Randomize
