you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
Randomize
