I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
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