I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Randomize
