He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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