the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Randomize
