So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
