i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Randomize
