FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Randomize
