Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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