i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize
