Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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