He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
