I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Randomize
