Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Randomize
