a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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