Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
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