Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
Randomize
