The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
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