So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
Randomize
