i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
