Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
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