the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Randomize
