Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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