There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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