Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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