sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
