i don't like sucking hair
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
Randomize
