Rock
Scissors
Fuck
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
