So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Randomize
