My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
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