Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Randomize
