dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
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