Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
