i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
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